stardustly | open tag ins.

Without actually realizing it, his eyes followed Matt's movements, noting the lines of his body and the fluidity with which he moved. So many things he never noticed before but now kept taking his breath away little by little. It seemed almost too late in a way or something he should keep to himself at all costs. Matt happened to be the most important person in his entire life and he couldn't lose him.

He couldn't stand it if he did.

"Don't I always?" Steve teased right back, reaching out for Matt once he moved close enough to him. The song began and Steve felt another hitch in his breathing and even without enhanced hearing he knew Matt would clue into it. They were close, so close, one of Steve's hands holding one of Matt's own and his other arm looped around him. They were always close to one another when they could be but this felt different.

It sparked something, the words of the song only enhancing it. Did it mean something? Could it?

"You always try." Matt can't resist the rebuttal, it's a pattern they always fall easily into. Laughter and teasing when times are good, comforting arms and a sympathetic ear when they're not. Or fierce loyalty and a pair of fists, when that's what's needed instead.

It feels, as always, completely right to wrap one arm over Steve's shoulders. The body may have drastically altered, but Matt's sense of the man has never wavered. It took next to no time for him to adjust, probably less time even than Steve himself, because what has always been most important about his closest friend has never changed. And Matt's sense of attachment to him has only grown through the years.

The quick stutter in his breath doesn't escape notice, and Matt's heart does a double-step in answer. Oddly enough, it's that involuntary response that clues him in to a thought that's been slipping around the edges of his mind. He has the strongest urge to press his face to the other man's shoulder and inhale, knowing exactly what he'll smell and realizing that it's a scent he'll always associate with being safe and happy. With feeling loved.

God, it's amazing to Matt how often he has no idea what's actually going on inside his own head until it's almost too late.

"Don't go away like that again." He can't exactly come out and say his heart would break, in so many words. But it would. Probably will, someday.

Moving in time with the music, Steve took extra note of the heat passing between them and the way Matt felt against him. The way they ultimately fit together like two lost puzzle pieces, which they always have in an emotional sort of way. Matt fit into the broken, jagged areas life left behind and brought some kind of unity. A way to keep moving forward and to not only exist but to live. How could it take him so long to realize what all of the emotions actually meant? To realize his life really began the moment Matt Murdock stumbled into?

The words pulled him out of the confines of his body and he squeezed Matt a little tighter without meaning to. "Never," he promised, "I'm never leaving you again." He barely survived it the first time and now he couldn't imagine a day without Matt in it. Actually, in it and not just in letter form or the rare phone call. The song made the dance have a romantic tilt to it, at least, on Steve's end and it felt like one of those moments where everything else stood still. Something so unbelievable until it actually managed to happen.

"Matt - I -" Steve began, but quickly lost his nerve and instead he finished with, "This means so much to me. All of this. You. Thank you." With a soft smile, he pulled back only enough to be able to twirl Matt and dip him.

There will never be a time when Matt doesn't welcome Steve's embrace, in any capacity. They're both deeply tactile people, albeit for different reasons, but it means they've also always been able to rely on each other to fulfill that need. It feels especially important now, however, with Steve so recently returned home and the two of them rediscovering an equilibrium that had been missing in their lives during the separation.

Logically, Matt knows that he can't hold his friend to that promise. Someday one of them will find a reason to want more distance between the two of them. At least, Steve will. Once he's adjusted to civilian life again. Matt would be perfectly happy to simply continue on as they are. There's no one else he'd rather come home to at the end of a grueling day in court, or wake up to on a sun-warmed morning.

Mentally putting the feelings into words is like finally finding the right combination to a stubborn lock, all the tumblers falling into place and the door to understanding opening. His breath catches, but before he can open his mouth to speak (not that he knows what he's going to say), Steve is voicing his thanks once again and ending their dance with a twirl and dip.

Instead of speaking, Matt just laughs, the kind of brightly joyous laugh that comes from feeling a little high on happiness. Putting his arms around Steve's neck, he touches their foreheads together, still smiling widely. "You've been the most important person in my life since I was nine years old. That's never going to change. And I don't want it to."

The sound of Matt's laughter filled him to the brim, something of an accomplishment with the previous overwhelmingly haunted look he took in from before. There were plenty of things to haunt them but he wanted to be able to pull Matt out of that, if only for a few moments here and there. He knew how difficult it could be to completely step away from certain things, especially when someone seemed willingly to shoulder the entire burden of everyone else around him so they didn't have to. Admirable, maybe, but also completely unrealistic. Matt's huge heart could be his greatest strength and weakness all at the same time.

Intimacy curled around them again and Steve's eyes fell shut for a moment as he just drank it all in. The soft touches, the gentle and reassuring words. It reminded him yet again of being safe and warm, the complete opposite of his last couple of years with training and the running around a warzone. "My life was only missing you to come into it," Steve whispered, eyes slowly opening again.

It felt like a moment - the one to finally indulge in the realizations lighting him up from the inside out. But even with his bravery on the field, Steve felt at a loss to carry it over into his personal life. Rather than take the plunge he chickened out and only pressed a kiss to Matt's cheek before he pulled away. Silently berating himself the entire time.

"Like you could even get rid of me by this point. Who else would you get mostly burnt food from?" Steve's cooking skills left little to be desired but he tried. It counted for something, right?

If he's completely honest with himself, Matt hasn't spoken words this affectionate and intimate to anyone in his life. Not Claire, not even Elektra. There's a depth to his feelings for Steve that he's not sure any other person could be capable of matching. Steve isn't only his oldest and best friend, he's part of Matt's soul.

And all of this is something he thinks -- something he knows -- he should be saying aloud. But what if it's too much? They've always been ridiculously affectionate with each other, to an extent that brought the occasional teasing from other kids at the orphanage. Matt never cared. A thousand of them would never have been worth one Steve Rogers. So what if all of this, the embraces and the soft touches and the way Steve's heart skips and his skin warms, is just an extension of how they've always been? What if Matt tries to make something more from it and just ruins everything instead?

Besides, this is good. This is safe, and comfortable. He understands what Steve expects from him, and they've already proven that their friendship can weather some pretty difficult things. Romantic love is so fragile, and it makes people fragile too. There are only so many times Matt figures his heart can stand to break.

God, it's hard not to rush right over that invisible line, though, when he feels Steve's lips against his cheek. "I can mostly burn my own food. Now, properly folded sheets, that's a skill I'd keep you around for."

Jokes are easier than confessions.

No matter what direction his life turned or what fell onto him, Matt remained as a steady constant. One he depended on with everything he had and just the thought of losing the man kept him from saying anything further. Matt never made any indication on feeling more than friendship (not that Steve would even really notice) and he needed to respect it. Saying anything would only make it awkward and in turn strained. Eventually, wrecking their connection completely. A risk he just refused to take even if it meant always wondering what could have been.

"You would also mostly burn the entire kitchen," Steve pointed out with a smirk. "I'm glad to know I'm so useful." The tease rolled easily off his tongue, his fingertips grasping out for Matt's wrist to pull him back over towards the cake.

"Now if you're done distracting me, I have birthday cake to consume." Cutting two pieces, he handed one off to Matt and kept one for himself. While he could have walked over to grab a fork, he decided to just eat the cake with his fingers instead. It would take far too much time otherwise and cake. Letting out a pleased groan, he licked at his fingers. "So good," he commented, swiping a bit of frosting onto his finger to slid along Matt's nose. "Perfect."

"No point in doing anything halfway," he quips in response, as he's led back to where the cake sits. He'd been a little nervous about the bakery getting the decorations right, and he still has no way of knowing whether they used plenty of blue icing like he asked. But Steve seems to be genuinely pleased with it, and that's really the only thing that matters.

For a second, Matt's confused about why his friend cut himself a piece but stopped short of getting any utensils, but the happy noises answer that question soon enough. And Matt has to laugh at the enthusiasm and impatience.

He also can't avoid the rush of blood to his cheeks when Steve slides a frosting-covered finger down his nose. The first words into his head come out of his mouth before he can think to stop them. "What, am I not naturally sweet enough for you?"

At the teasing words, Steve paused a little, wondering quickly if Matt meant the innuendo with them or not. The latter, surely, unless there were confessions they needed to voice on both ends here. Never in his wildest dreams had he considered Matt having feelings for him, though, especially not with all the other options around them. He noticed sometimes the way Karen let her eyes linger but Steve couldn't blame her when Matt tended to light up everything around him so easily.

"I'd have to test and see," Steve finally responded with, using a rare burst of emotional bravery to test the waters and see if Matt only meant it as a joke.

If only his rapidly beating heart would calm down some, especially because Matt could pick up on it. How would he keep hiding things with Matt's enhanced abilities resting between them?

Matt Murdock is a fool, and he knows this about himself. Yet that knowledge never seems to help when he's faced with the option of jumping off the cliff in front of him or turning back. Because turning back is never going to be the choice he makes.

So he takes one small step forward, and it's good that he can hear the way Steve's heart pounds, because it's the thing that pushes him to take a chance. "Then I guess you'd better do that."

His own pulse is thrumming so fast that the sound of it muffles some of the noise from outside. This is his best friend, close enough to be almost a part of him. If he's wrong, if Steve declares himself to be joking and laughs at Matt's response, it'll break his heart but he'll be all right. Because Steve has promised to never desert him, and he always keeps his word.

The smile reminded on his face despite the slight panic roaring to life within him, anticipation fluttering wildly in his stomach to twist it all into knots. A reaction he last felt with Peggy during the service years ago but it ended up not working out. In a way, he wondered if somehow he felt things for Matt all along and just hadn't realized. Could it be why relationships never worked? No one ever compared to Matt Murdock.

"Okay," he murmured, proud his voice sounded more steady than he felt. Moving forward, he reached out to cup Matt's cheek. One moment and their relationship would change forever. "If you want me to stop," he continued, trailing off but moving slowly in case Matt wanted to change his mind. If he didn't, though, he'd have lips softly pressed to his and a soft exhale of relief.

Matt isn't the type to change his mind in a panic when faced with the unknown, and a kiss from his lifelong best friend isn't going to be the thing that changes him. It just might change his life, though, because the moment Steve's lips meet his, he feels a surge of emotion that almost overwhelms him.

Emboldened by that feeling, he slides his arm around Steve's waist, the other hand resting light against his chest. As they part from that first hesitant kiss, a little smile grows on Matt's face. He tastes like sugar and beer and a hint of spice.

"Nope." Quite the opposite, in fact. Rather than stopping, he'd very much like to do it again. And so he does, pressing his lips to Steve's a little more firmly, fingers curling into the man's shirt.

Just as he expected, the first brush of lips changed everything but in a way Steve never anticipated. He dared to hope but the strength of the spark and the multitude of the heat could only be thought of as the beginning of an addiction. With a soft exhale, he returned the second kiss, tentatively running his hands up and down Matt's back while their lips moved together. How had he managed so long in his life without this? It took far too long for him to realize what Matt really meant to him in the first place. His best friend had been there through everything and maybe now they could start yet another chapter together. There were still plenty of things to figure out with certain nighttime activities but they could settle it later, after his birthday.

The kiss continued until he needed to breathe and even then he stayed close to Matt. "Wow," he murmured with a soft laugh. "Never felt that from just a kiss." His hand gripped onto the back of Matt's shirt as he pressed kisses to his neck. "Much sweeter than the cake," he murmured in between the nips and kisses.

"Did you want to actually eat the cake? Am I distracting you?"

The brush of lips to his neck pulls a soft sigh from Matt, as he tilts his head encouragingly. All he wants is to melt into this man, be wrapped up in him, and he realizes now that this isn't a new feeling. Just a new way of looking at it.

"What cake?" he asks with a grin, hand sliding down Steve's back until he can touch the line of bare skin between shirt and waistband. "Definitely wow. If I'd known you kissed like that..."

God, all of the moments he's already missed. If only he could go back in time and collect the thousands of kisses they could have shared.

"How do you feel about taking this to the couch?"

Being on leave made him feel lost as many told him it would because returning to civilian life meant a change of pace and a loss of a firm direction. Not everyone found their way again, either falling through the cracks or finding a way to play a new part. For Steve, though, he had something not everyone had -- a light to guide him through each and every round of darkness creeping his way.

Matt changed everything.

Nodding his head, he walked them over towards the couch, heart beating wildly against his ribcage the entire time. How had he gotten so lucky now? "I'm kinda afraid I've fallen asleep or something." He used to have a lot of wistful dreams when the nightmares were kept at bay.

Tentatively he leaned in to kiss Matt again, pressing closer.

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