stardustly | general open post

[ Peace wrapped around them and drifted everything else away, which felt really nice on Kai's end. He did not often have the time to relax and unwind when there were so many things to take care of in his life. But it felt nice to just focus on Neve and allow his mind to rest. His lips continued their paths along his skin, biting and marking here and there in a burst of slight possessiveness. How attached he felt to Neve would probably be a problem and he knew he shouldn't but he could not help it.

Neve captured him from the very first second. ]

Why embarrassed? [ He asked in a murmur, trying and nearly failing to not press up into Neve's body. It just felt so good and how could he not want more? Want everything? ]

I couldn't hold myself up... [ which seems silly, but makes neve feel flustered. he usually likes being more in control than this.

but also doesn't usually do this. not with someone he's begun to have a strong attachment to. not with someone he doesn't intend to shoo out of his bed as soon as he feels he can breathe normally again. which, apparently, is somewhat impossible with kai's hands and lips on him. he keeps his eyes closed, fighting off the thoughts threatening to break the dam. just another minute, or two, or three. they've come this far, a few minutes more won't hurt, right?

it's been so long since he's been held. and he's never really been held, not like this.

he knows it won't — can't last. ]

I should clean us up, [ he says after a moment, breathing out and lifting himself on his elbow. ] I can do it with magic.

[ The confession earned a wide smile and a slight ducking of his head in case Neve didn't understand the look. He never wanted to upset him, especially after he learned how sensitive Neve actually could be. The tough act being just that but Kai understood all about having secrets and skeletons in your closet. ]

I thought it was - really sexy.

[ A light blush dusted his cheeks and he pulled back when Neve continued on about getting cleaned up. Moment over, right? He actually should have anticipated being an one and done kind of thing but it still twisted something inside of him. ]

Oh. Okay. That would be - great. Magic away.

[ He offered a smile, pushing up some to be able to sit up, nose drink long at the drying come on his body. They really should have removed clothes first. ]

Thanks for letting me stay, Neve.

[ he gave kai a small smile, but the more seconds tick away the more unsure neve feels about... well, everything. kai looks good right now, flustered and a bit of a wreck, marks on his neck. he wants to treasure that image, because it's a forbidden one he was not meant to see in the first place.

he'd trespassed onto something. ]

No problem. [ he touched kai's arm, letting out just enough magic that he surely felt it over his skin. the sticky mess left behind was gone the second it faded. ]

You want something to eat? [ it was maybe not obvious, but the crack in the door was slowly closing again. it hurt his heart, but he didn't know what else to do. he couldn't pull kai into his life so intricately. he would get hurt, or killed, and neve already hated the thought. ]

[ Something sank in his stomach at the look on Neve's face, a sour sort of churning happening there. It all gripped at his heart, so much so he barely noticed the cleaning or the words Neve asked him. Seriously, how could he even think of food at the moment when it felt like a caving in. Neve drifting from his fingertips to head back to shore.

And he knew Neve probably did not mean it but he felt used in a way. A cheap vessel for an one ended goal. Shifting back, he shook his head, fingers clenching and releasing a few times. He hadn't expected - well, he didn't know what he had expected but given he had never done anything sexual with someone before - the dismissal hadn't been in the rankings.

The exhaustion and stress from the past few days only made things worse, honestly. ]

I should - probably go. I've been here all night.

[ Ducking his head, he slipped from the bed, searching for his shirt and shoes. ]

[ instead of feeling relieved, neve just feels sad. he doesn't know how to deal with this. he doesn't want kai to go, nor would he want him to feel used. but the mere act of having let kai stay in his bed meant kai was tainted in a way, now. because the queen might find out. and maybe she'd make him a target.

even knowing that, what neve wants is to see kai a little longer. ]

You're not staying? [ his breathing hitches. he feels terrible enough about himself and about doing this when it puts kai in danger and now by clearly not knowing how to keep handling this situation he feels for a moment certain that he's about to have some sort of break down.

he curls the hand hidden from kai into a fist, digging his nails into his palm. ]

Kai... I'm sorry.

[ Emotions bouncing all over the place, Kai shoved his shirt on none too gently, only stopping in his pursuit from Neve's words. The fae continued to confuse him and leave him grasping for some kind of solid ground. Did he want him or did he want to shove him away? Neve could not have this both ways. ]

You want me to stay?

[ It really seemed like Neve wanted to push him on the way out. Pressing his lips together, he moved a little closer to the bed. ]

You don't have to be sorry, Neve. If you want me here, I can stay. If you want me to go - I can.

[ He wanted to stay, he really did. ]

I can make food if you want.

I want... [ he could feel his fingernails breaking skin. it would heal before kai noticed, but the sting made him grit his teeth and out with it. ]

I want you to stay. [ it was a small thing, but for neve it was a giant step. just admitting as much. it was the truth, though, and it seemed weird to be unable to say this after what had just happened between them. how could he do this with kai and then simply act like he didn't want him around? his previous actions said otherwise.

even if, in his head, a battle was going on. he chose to separate his heart and his mind for this. he wanted kai to stay a little longer, just this once. ]

Let's have breakfast.

[ His heart nearly stopped as he waited for Neve to answer one way or another, determining the entire path of what they could be and become. He wished he knew more of the thoughts going through Neve's head but already knew he couldn't just ask. Things were still forming between them and it would work out one way or another.

Starting with the here and now.

His breath came out in a rush, his shoulders slumping in relief. He wanted him to stay so it had - he had to mean something.

Nodding, he climbed back on the bed, daring to lean in and kiss him softly. ]

Maybe I can have you for dessert?

[ that was better. some of the tightness in his chest evaporated just to see kai like this again. this was good. it had to be, if kai was relaxing and coming closer again. pressing a kiss to his lips.

implying more to happen soon. maybe it would be simpler if neve could simply say this had mattered to him, but doing so felt like admitting kai was partt of this, part of his life. which meant facing possible consequences he didn't want to imagine. the queen would have too much fun.

but he pushed that aside, lips quirking into a smile instead. ]

Are you already thinking about round two?

Maybe and I might even let you join in.

[ A stupid joke, really, but he wanted to try and lighten the air and bring things back to how they were before. Neve cared, he had to, and Kai just couldn't understand why he pushed him away. It made things even more confusing but he'd try to roll with it, attempt to give Neve what he needed.

He just wanted to be what someone needed.

Sliding off the bed again, he stretched a little. ]

Last one to the kitchen has to do all the washing!

[ And he took off without even attempting to make it fair. Winning mattered too much. ]

Wh — Hey! [ he called after kai, perfectly eager to leave the emotionally charged moment behind. it was too much, really. he had to set it aside. for now kai could stay for breakfast, and they could play these games and tease each other and... try not to flirt too much and fail.

he got up speedily, dashing after kai to try and catch up to him in the kitchen.

which was ridiculous, because he could wash dishes with a wave of his hands, so he didn't really need to win.

but it was playful, and light, and he wanted to go back to that too for a while longer. ]

You cheated!

[ A very wide smile greeted Neve when he finally entered the kitchen, a happy dance following not long after. He just really couldn't help himself and wanted to continue to make things lighter around them before it all fell apart because know he knew it really would. Neve spent too much time catching and releasing him, eventually the latter would overtake the former.

Why did he stick around? He should have just stepped away and put things to rest but he couldn't. Even if it hurt, he wanted those smiles and laughter from Neve. ]

You call it cheating, I call it winning! Now, what do you like to eat for breakfast? This is very important and I will judge you.

[ kai was so cute. it only made this hurt more. how badly he wanted to be with him properly, how guilty he felt for allowing even this much closeness when he couldn't commit to him the way he deserved.

it would blow up in his face, eventually. he knew that.

but right now, they both wanted to just be with each other. ]

Oatmeal and fruits. [ deadpan. he's serious. ]

[ The answer earned a nose crinkle, soon followed by a short laugh. Far too fond, fringed with feelings he kept trying not to have. Because each time he reached out for Neve he only came up with thin air. ]

You're a grandpa breakfast type. Why am I even surprised? [ A light tease as he moved around the kitchen, trying to locate things. ]

I prefer eggs and toast. Buttery toast. Sometimes with noodles if I feel like making them.

Are you saying I act like a grandpa? [ is that why youre not surprised, kai??? he's... conflicted about this.

but helps kai find what he needs, pulling out eggs and a pan for him. ]

I have noodles sometimes. Or left over pizza. [ but usually keeps it light for breakfast, and thats his right, OK KAI?? ]

[ A soft laugh left his lips as he set the pan on the stove and began working on the eggs and toast. It felt playful and light between them, something he wanted to last but knew it wouldn't. Love never really worked, a lesson his parents taught him and others in his family's life. He just didn't have a lot of faith in happy endings even if he longed for one so badly.

Eyes flicking over towards Neve he leaned in to give him a kiss. ]

Do you prefer homemade oatmeal or the instant kind?

Homemade! [ he sounds almost petulant. please, kai, who do you think he is?

he likes watching kai in his kitchen like this, making himself breakfast. he starts taking out ingredients for his own, but doesn't really start... does kai want to make this for him? ]

I have all the stuff. I can cut up my fruit or something.

Go sit down. I am taking care of this. [ The words were spoken as he waggled a spatula in the air towards Neve's direction. ] I've made homemade oatmeal before. [ A pause. ] My grandmother likes it.

[ The smirk returned to his face as he set about making breakfast for both of them, casting side long glances at Neve.

Eventually, he placed it all on the table, fishing around for the fruit to cut up to complete things. ]

Your breakfast is served. [ He gave a little bow. ]

[ it's... kind of nice, actually, to have someone else make his breakfast. when it's placed in front of him, it looks perfect. ]

Thank you. [ he takes a piece of fruit and eats it, looking at kai curiously. ] Do you still see her? Your grandmother?

[ Sitting down across from Neve, he gave a little nod of his head as he began to eat his own breakfast. Trying to not be too messy. ]

I do everyday! My grandma and dad live with me. I take care of them. My cousins practically live with me a lot of the time because my aunt doesn't really like the mother thing much.

[ He gave a shrug. ] They aren't - apart of the magical world at all.

[ the oatmeal kai made him is good. after his first bite, he eats another, then another. ]

So you watch over them. [ it's weird, he doesn't know what having family is like, but if he did, that's what he'd want to do. they would live with him, and he'd take care of them, and he'd watch for their safety and well being as much as possible.

even if it meant hiding parts of himself, though he can imagine that's not comfortable in the long run. ]

It sounds nice. Having family.

[ Eating some, he gave a nod of his head. Since practically the beginning, he always took care of everyone else and not just family, though, he never had a lot of friends growing up. His dad kept him rather sheltered and his oddities never really helped there. ]

You're always welcome to come to dinner one night and share my family all you want. My grandmother would love to fuss over you and make sure you're eating enough. She's like that.

[ Reaching over, he gave Neve's arm a squeeze. ] I'd like you there with us.

[ oh. he hadn't expected to ever be invited. that feels like a big step, somehow. and neve is afraid. what if, worse than kai, it's kai's family the queen goes after? he swallows, torn between wanting to be part of something like that, of at least experiencing it once, and keeping kai and his loved ones safe. ]

Maybe sometime. [ he gave a small smile, not showing the inner turmoil of wanting something very badly and being very terrified that taking it would mean horror and pain for innocent people.

kai has been so kind to him. and patient. ]

You're thinking really loud. [ He commented suddenly, moving easily out of his chair to straddle Neve's lap in his own. Mostly, he wanted the closeness and also it gave Neve a bit of comfort he figure he needed right then. The fae had a lot of things in his past, most of which Kai did not know anything about but he wanted to. ]

They'd like you. I mean it's hard not to after you get past that frown you usually wear.

[ His fingertips softly ran over Neve's cheek, thumb moving along his bottom lip. Sensual maybe. ]

We have family nights each week with different activities. I think this week is bowling. Have you ever been?

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