stardustly | behind these four walls. ( vestigial ).

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behind these four walls. ( vestigial ).

Behind the sturdy wall and within the four walls, relief should have swiftly followed once everything fell into place, ringing with the realisation of not having to run for once and remain on guard. But for Rick, he didn't know how to relax and only dread pooled thickly in his stomach, skin feeling far too tight around his trembling bones. He kept it all to himself, though, knowing how closely the Alexandrian inhabitants would keep an eye on all of them, just waiting for the one slip up. Just one would send them all back to the hungry grasps of the walkers and Rick couldn't be the one to make it happen. He needed to use a level head and ensure everyone found a place within the community of normalcy. At least, to a point, he never wanted them to lose the razor sharp edge they all had in case they needed it again.

Eyes moving around the living room, Rick took in each face of the group, seeing the cautiousness in their eyes and the blooming hope of what could happen for them now. They could live rather than just exist. He should have felt happy. Why didn't he feel happy? Shaking the lingering thoughts, Rick moved around to help Glenn with getting everyone settled. Deena told them they could have their own houses and space but for now everyone wanted to stay in one, which so happened to be the Grimes' residence. Everyone rested there except for one, something Rick didn't find surprising.

Squeezing Glenn's shoulder on his way out the door, Rick leaned against the railing. His eyes drifted down towards Daryl, hip cocked to one side slightly. "Gonna sleep out here?" Rick asked but it sounded more like a comment than a question in all honesty. He knew if he felt unease with the possibility of this, Daryl had to feel it even stronger. They kept on higher alert for the others to save them the weight of it. If they only knew the full extent of sacrifices it took to maintain such a balance.

"Never thought we'd see somethin' like this again. Real houses, streets to walk down without the threat of walkers." Rick shook his head, feeling the tightness closing in on his chest but he still kept it to himself. "What's your impressions?" He valued Daryl's opinions and the response would clue Rick in on if he should let go of his paranoia or not.

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The sound of the walker made him pause but Daryl took care of it before he had a chance. They were always pretty efficient together and it made them a strong team. The entire group were strong in their own ways, abilities honed from all the months working together. It helped them learn all of each other's strengths and weaknesses, the latter of which Rick preferred to not think about in a personal way. He tried to continuously rise above his own shortcomings to be what the group needed at any given time. No pressure or anything.

Nodding his head at the suggestion, he attempted to steady it, thinking of it more like a shotgun. He could handle any type of gun but never really preferred a shotgun even before the world ended. He preferred it even less after a few key events he tried to never think of.

Daryl moving behind him surprised him but he tried to not react much, allowing for the man to move him around as he saw fit. With everything adjusted, he took another shot and this time hit the target he intended to - right in the dead center of the tree bark. "Would you look at that," Rick murmured, liking the warmth Daryl afforded him, especially with the chill in the air. He should have remembered to bring his coat with him. He knew Daryl would move any minute, though, much to his disappointment. "We always do things better together, don't we?" he continued. He usually found it difficult to engage Daryl in anything remotely touchy feely but sometimes it worked. "Wanna try again?"

It's funny: Rick thinks he has a hard time engaging Daryl that way, but from Daryl's perspective, he has more physical contact with Rick than anyone-- maybe even Carol. He hugs Carol, lets her hug him, but it's Rick who he touches on the shoulder or pushes this way and that while creeping around, Rick who he absently brushes his hand against now and again. Little things that are normal and not worth noticing amongst normal people, but are significant to someone as skittish and repressed as Daryl.

"Reckon so."

It serves as an answer to the rhetorical - yes, they do things better together - and the actual question. Alright, one more go. He nudges Rick to go fetch the bolt, as per their agreement, and waits to nitpick his form when he gets back.

"You could do some more farming, assuming we settle in right," he says as he positions Rick's elbow. His tone is half-serious, half-teasing.

Over the course of the past few months, Rick had notice how Daryl seemed more comfortable around him. The linger touches, the looks the other man probably didn't know Rick saw. He didn't quite know what it all meant but he liked it all the same and he knew he would fall apart without Daryl. They kept each other balanced in a way he hadn't experienced since before things ended with Shane. The world had changed Shane but he couldn't really judge now when the very same happened to him.

Letting out a huff, Rick went over to the tree to pull the bolt out, twirling it between his fingers on his way back into position. He loaded the thing and let Daryl move him all around again to try it. "I like learnin' this but I'll stick to guns and the axe," Rick voiced, eyeing the tree for a moment before giving another attempt. He hit the same area, causing a pleased look to cross his face. He preferred being proactive and doing things, rather than 'relaxing' or just sitting about in any sort of way. Idle hands worked very against Rick.

Getting the bolt, he loaded it and looked over at Daryl. "Ya miss farmer Rick?" he questioned with a teasing air to his voice as well. "I kinda miss him. Don't know why they haven't already tried growin' stuff here. Real important now with resources getting more and more scarce." He nodded his head, considering it a little more. "You plan on helpin' me? Maybe we can go look for supplies tomorrow?"

If asked, Daryl would say the same thing has not happened to Rick, compared to Shane. Sure, Shane was quicker on the trigger from early on, he was ready to embrace the darkness - but he wasn't doing it for altruism, or from a position of leadership. Daryl had known since he and Merle first rolled up on that group outside Atlanta: Shane was a coward. He sat at the camp and bossed people around but never lifted a finger himself to so much as sit on watch, much less anything as risky as go hunt or go on supply runs. He was selfish and just wanted to clutch Lori and Carl to him, everyone else be damned. He was nothing like the man Rick's become.

That fateful night when Shane framed that kid, murdered him, led Rick off-- Daryl'd known what was going on in an instant. He could have easily followed the two of them, but he had complete faith that Shane wasn't going to be the one coming back. They had to handle it, and Rick had to win. And that was that.

"Naw. Gotta make sure y'all get your protein. Fall comin' up, I wonder if there are any bears around still. Bear'd feed everybody in there for the whole season. Kinda gross though."

Daryl puts his hand beneath Rick's upper arm, fixing his posture. Hm.

Thinking of the past only rattled things loose in Rick's mind, reminding him of all the times he should have done better and made other choices. No one could be perfect, of course, and he knew it but leaders needed to rise above normal shortcomings and be something greater. They needed to be more than their humanity and sometimes Rick wondered if the others saw him as larger than life. It could explain why they were so upset when things didn't go right because they believed he could do anything. He really wished he could.

"Could still go on a run with me," Rick responded with a shake of his head. "Reckon, there might be. Haven't seen much big game in awhile. Might'a gotten eaten already or died off." He could safely say he had never sampled bear or really most of what they had eaten in the past. "When did ya have bear? What's it taste like?" He had gotten on board with the squirrel but didn't know how he felt about eating a bear. "Wish we could find some cows or chickens." He really missed hamburgers, okay.

The heat of Daryl behind him made his head swim a little and the zing each time the man touched him kept distracting him. He needed to focus but all the long days with little sleep made it harder from him to keep his normal walls in place. "How do your arms not hurt with this thing all the time?"

Once in place again, he took another shot, this time hitting the exact same spot he had before. Just what he wanted. "Would ya look at that. Gettin' pretty good."

"Had bear pretty often," he says with a shrug. "Black bears everywhere up in the woods back home, always in everybody's garbage cans and sheds n' shit. Worse'n goddamn raccoons. They just taste like whatever they eat, is all, so it's fine if they've been eating fruit and leftover pizza but you get one that's eatin' nothing but fish, even, and it starts to get weird. Imagine one that's ate walkers for years."

(Barf.)

Hmph. Rick's almost wobbling. He must be more tired than Daryl thought - or it's just finally getting to him. Still, he's hitting the target. Damn show-off. Daryl just grunts. Yeah, yeah.

"Who said my arms don't hurt?"

Every now and again, Daryl would give random insights to his life before everything happened and the world ended, something Rick always appreciated. He enjoyed getting to know everyone better but found the task harder with someone as standoffish as Daryl. The man didn't easily let anyone near, except for him and Carol it appeared. It made him wonder if he and Carol were really close. He would be happy for them, of course.

"A lot of animals now probably have that diet," Rick reasoned with a tiny shrug of his shoulder. "We've probably eaten few things that munched on walkers." He hoped not and tried to not think too much about it.

Going off to grab the bolt, Rick loaded with again with a low grunt of his own. He had new respect for how quickly Daryl managed to handle the crossbow. "Just lemme know when and I'll rub them for you," Rick offered with a smirk because he knew Daryl wouldn't accept the offer. "You can do my shoulders in return. Swingin' an axe round gets to ya." More teasing.

"Tomorrow we can set up those lessons and go on a run. Sure Rosita will be up for teachin'." Rosita knew how to do most things they asked of her, which always impressed Rick. "Same with Sasha. Don't reckon Carol will." Carol seemed to be playing up another kind of part. "Don't think they'll want the younger ones learnin' yet. Mistake, though."

Daryl just makes a 'hn' noise, but doesn't feel like elaborating about game; yeah, everything's been eating rotting flesh, but bear just has some weird magic quality about its meat. Not as bad as wolf (DO NOT EAT WOLF) but still. It'd probably be fine, though, they could just... marinate it. (In what, Dixon.) Anyway.

His eyebrows go way up at Rick's - flirtatious?! - behavior, visible even with his naturally stoic face and the hair over his eyes. What are you up to, Grimes?

"Carol don't want a repeat of the prison," Daryl points out. She'd been teaching the kids there, but in secret, and her desperation and vigilance had resulted in Rick banishing her. The only time Daryl's ever really argued with Rick since they left the farm had been over that. Carol's just... Carol. If she hadn't shown back up, Daryl doesn't know what he'd do. He can't pick between her and Rick, he just can't. "Ain't gonna happen, though."

Guilt worked its way over his face and he ducked his head slightly as memories seeped in and out of his mind. He wished he had the ability to change the past and correct so many wrongs he caused. The situation with Carol being the top of the list but at the time he thought it had been the right call. She had gone over the edge, regardless of intentions, something he knew all too well. Banishment had been too harsh but it had been in the efforts to stop retribution by other means. If he hadn't done it, they would have had worse back then.

"I can't ever make up for that but I'm tryin'," Rick commented, looking back up and over at Daryl. "It won't happen again. We've got to stick to each other as close as we can." Something just felt uneasy and Rick couldn't shake the foreboding lingering in the air. Things were going too well at the moment and he just couldn't trust it.

"What she's doin' now won't last. We can't just pretend to be what we think they want. Eventually they'll see through it." He gave a shrug and decided to try one more time to fire off a bolt. This time he adjusted himself and tried to hit higher than his earlier attempts. If push came to shove, he wanted to be able to use the crossbow in case he needed to. They couldn't have any weaknesses.

"You don't gotta make up for it," Daryl says, mood abstracted. "What's done is done. She knows that. I know that. She just cares, is all." And then he's quiet, listening to Rick and watching him mess around with the aim. Sheriff Grimes isn't too bad with it, though Daryl knows from experience (both personally and from teaching) that trying to hit anything moving or without much time to take aim is a longer undertaking.

(The last person he taught any was Beth.)

After a time, he sighs.

"That sounded suspiciously like faith in these people, by the by." Eventually they'll see through it.

As he took the shot, he also tried to take in Daryl's words, attempting to believe them but knew he wouldn't. He held guilt closely around his neck and in most ways it motivated him to keep pressing forward and never stopping from what needed to be done. It made him try harder and to be better, sometimes impossible but he knew the score. He knew how to undo himself to ensure the others would be okay.

"It ain't faith. I just know how these things go. They'll be watchin' us and just waitin'. They already wanna know what we're all 'bout. We give 'em any doubts and they'll run with it," Rick explained, walking over to get the bolt and load it back in. "My arms are gonna be so sore later," he remarked with a shake of his head. "Just like when I started usin' that axe all the time." It didn't hurt his arms now but in the beginning it sure did.

"We should hide some weapons round here just in case. It's close to Alexandria but not too close. Never know what might happen." He liked to prepare for every single disaster and he still didn't have a lot of belief of Alexandria being permanent. When did things ever go their way for long? "Want to set up plans just in case. Never know. Wanna go on a run tomorrow. See if we can find some things to grow. Maybe see if we can find anythin' to hunt. Make ourselves real important. Vital."

"They'll be watching like that if you don't quit actin' so paranoid and wound up," Daryl counters, though there's no hostility in his voice. He gets it, he does. He just wants to give Rick something else to consider, too. "It's broadcasting from you, man. Reckon I should find you in the dark just lookin' for the 'I don't trust nobody' rays."

He huffs as he steps closer again. "'Cause I know what they look like." Remember Daryl in the early days? What a trainwreck. He's still a trainwreck, but now he trusts his people. Daryl reaches over and lays a hand on the back of Rick's bicep, pushing his fingers into the muscle where it's going to hurt tomorrow. "Stretch in here. And yeah, sure. We'll find a spot to stash somethin'."

Letting out a slow breath, he muttered a few choice things under his breath but without any real heat to them. He knew Daryl had a point, loathing to admit it but even still he didn't exactly know how to relax. Taking it easy had never come naturally to him even before the world they knew sputtered and died only to rise again and again. "Anytime I let my guard down, things happen," Rick muttered, voice a little louder for Daryl to actually hear him. "Don't want to be caught unaware this time. Somethin' just don't feel right." Considering what they just went through, of course, things wouldn't feel right yet. Alexandria seemed too good to be true.

"I trust you," Rick responded, about to say more but Daryl touching him halted any and all possibilities or general thought. "That feels good," he murmured, nodding his head in a jerky kind of way because again how could he really think? It had taken them awhile to even reach a point of being somewhat close to one another. Daryl had been very, very skittish but loosened up as the months went on. A state Rick needed to reach again, apparently.

"Gotta be some place in between," Daryl says quietly. Some place between being wound up to the point of near-breaking, like Rick seems, and being totally defenseless. Inside, Daryl feels shattered - he's a complete failure, unable to hold things together at the prison, unable to find the Governor, unable to save Beth; his time being on the council was a sham - but he wants to hold it together for Rick. He deserves the support.

I trust you.

Yeah. Daryl can't fold now. He has to be okay.

"Tired yet?" He still has a hand on Rick's arm.

Rick wished he knew how to make a balance work but he didn't want to try anything different when things were finally going somewhat in their favor. Any false move could topple it all and he didn't want to risk it. If it meant he remained on edge so be it, he would do anything it took to keep the rest of them together. They had lost too many and couldn't stand any other heartache.

"Maybe for some," Rick responded with a slight nod of his head. "Yeah, I'm feelin' a little tired. Are you?" He looked over his shoulder to look at Daryl, taking him in for a moment. He never had much of a chance to just look and not try to have a purpose for it.

Letting out a soft breath, he tried to not lean into Daryl because he knew the man wouldn't accept it. "How are you, really, Daryl? You've gotta talk 'bout it sometime."

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behind these four walls. ( vestigial ).

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