stardustly | general memes

Setting down his own bowl on the coffee table, Steve turned his body towards Matt, feeling a swell of familiar protectiveness swelling over him. He never wanted Matt to think of himself as a burden because he knew so well how it felt. All during their childhood, he nearly felt like a waste of space, unfit to even breathe the air around them. People made sure to drive the point home anyway.

"Stop," Steve murmured, holding out an arm for Matt to curl up against him if he wanted to but he wouldn't push it. "You don't - Matty, we're always here for each other. It's what we do. It's who we are. I just shocked and it'll take me a little while to process all of this but you mean the world to me, okay? Absolutely everything."

He needs to eat, they both do, but the offer is impossible to refuse. Placing his bowl next to Steve's, Matt curls into him with a shuddering sigh. He'd been so sure that this time, he'd screwed things up too badly to be fixed.

"You're a goddamn saint." Loathe as he is to admit it, the stress and guilt, the physical injury and exhaustion, have become a growing weight. Having Steve as his support again is such a relief. "I should have told you from the very beginning. I wish I had. Christ, I'm glad you're home."

Running his hand up and down Matt's back, more of the frustration slipped from him. No matter what, Matt meant the entire world to him and they would just need to figure things out going forward. Matt being so hurt terrified him and losing the man happened to be his greatest and only real fear. He could run into a building full of gun fire but Matt having even a minor injury would nearly make him crumble to the ground.

The attachment he felt went bone deep.

"I know, Matty, I'm glad to be home." He let them sit there a few more minutes curled up together but all too soon he reached for the bowls again. "Finish eating and then you need some rest. Make sure you take an aspirin. I'll check the bandages latter after you wake up."

The truth is, Steve has stuck it out with him longer than anyone else in his life. Going off to war wasn't leaving, not the way Stick did. Not the way Elektra did. Matt always knew, barring something terrible, that Steve would be coming back. Knew it in the same way he always knew his dad would be home after every fight.

Maybe that's why he'll do anything to protect the bond they have. Including putting himself between his friend and as much of the terrible side of the world as he can manage, now that Steve is finally home. So he can argue all he wants, there's no way Matt is letting him get involved with the things he does the Devil does.

With a long sigh, he nods as sits up, accepting the bowl and obediently settling down to eat. It tastes better to him than he expected, as unappetizing as food in general seemed just a moment ago. "I should meditate first. It'll help me heal quicker." Although just crawling into bed under a mountain of soft covers sounds really nice.

Life sure handed them both a lot of curve balls but they managed to cope together, attempting to shield one another from the very worst aspects. Since they were kids, Matt always tried to make the world a brighter place for him, ironically enough while Steve attempted to include Matt in everything, knowing how the world would single him out on sheer principle. The world wanted to place those with disabilities in very specific categories, claiming it to be for their own good but mostly because not everyone knew how to cope or deal. Some only saw the disability and nothing else. They dealt with plenty of rough spots because of it - with his multitude of illnesses and Matt not being able to see but they never stopped trying.

They never stayed down for long. Matt's dad always taught them that. The man had been something of a father figure for Steve, especially since he lost his own father fairly young. They were all family right from the beginning and nothing had ever changed it.

Finishing off his food, Steve placed the bowl on the coffee table. "How long will mediating take you because you really need sleep, Matt." When Matt finished with his food, he took both of the bowls to the sink to wash, dry and put them up. "You can do that and I'll need the bed ready." Steve intended to sleep on the couch rather than the bed since he didn't want to accidentally bump Matt and hurt him.

But he decided to keep such news to himself for the time being.

He eats more slowly than usual, and doesn't finish it all, but that's mostly from exhaustion. Steve's absolutely right, he really does need to sleep, but he hates making people worry about him. Claiming meditation will help him get better has always made him feel less guilty about pushing himself past his limits.

Steve has never put up with excuses like that, though, and he's obviously not going to start now.

"Maybe I'll just lie down for a little while and deal with the meditating later." He'd need more time than it would take for whatever attention the bed might require before Matt crashes into it. Besides, suddenly the idea of being alone in the other room while Steve frets around the apartment isn't very appealing. "But I'd rather just stay right here until you're ready to go to bed for the night."

Of course, Matt decided to take stubborn to a whole new level and wreck all his plans to 'make things easier'. While sleeping, Steve knew he tend to shift around a lot unless he slept a certain way with someone but Matt had too many injuries for that. It worried him to hurt the man more, especially when it appeared a strong wind would end him. With a deep sigh, he refrained from responding because he knew it would turn into a fight and that happened to be something else Matt didn't need right now.

Moving from the kitchen, he headed to the bedroom to fix up the bed and fluff up the pillows. He might have moved a few pillows as a sort of barrier between them. It should help with his restlessness and to not accidentally move too close to Matt in the process.

"Come on," Steve voiced from the doorway to the living room, "I'll call Foggy while you sleep." If he stayed up, it would also help and allow for him to keep an eye on Matt in case anything started bleeding.

"You could make a whole language out of your sighs." His tone is wryly teasing; Matt admits that he deserves those soft sounds of annoyance. But it makes him smile a little bit, just the feeling of having someone care to the point of frustration.

He lies quietly on the couch, listening to Steve move about in the bedroom. There's something soothing about that, and while he doesn't fall asleep he does drift off a little until Steve's voice rouses him. "Hm? Oh, right. Bed." Carefully levering himself to his feet, he frowns as his muzzy head processes the rest of that statement.

Shit. He can't let Foggy find out, especially not right on the heels of a fight with his other best friend. As he eases himself onto the mattress, he shakes his head. "No, no...I'll call him in the morning. Don't bother him now, he'll just get wound up and worried."

Don't be cute, Matthew, he's annoyed at you.

Despite it all, a small smile filled Steve's face at the comment. If Matt could tease, he had to be okay, right? Regardless, the fear continued to pulse through him and he wanted nothing more than to hold onto Matt and not let go for hours, days but he wouldn't. He couldn't.

The smile slid off his face and the frown reappeared at once. How often had Matt found himself THIS hurt? "He's going to wonder why you aren't going into the office tonight, you know that, right?" Steve remarked, standing by the bed with his hands on his hips. "If I don't call him, he might come by and that would probably be worse, don't you think?" Foggy coming by would clearly start another fight.

Give in to the cute, Steve. It lets him get away with so much.

There's a valid point in there, despite what Matt considers to be unnecessary worrying on his friend's part. But he doesn't think he can hold out against the combined sad disapproval of both Foggy and Steve. Shoulders slumping as exhaustion starts to overwhelm stubbornness, he frowns uncertainly. "Just tell him I'm sick? Please, Steve. He doesn't know, and I can't handle another confrontation."

If he can manage it, Foggy will never know. No one will. He's already put Claire in danger more than once, and now the same will inevitably happen to Steve. The people closest to him will always be the ones who need the most protection, and receive the least.

More arguments were on the tip of his tongue but Matt's current appearance made them all drift away. Damn it, Murdock. With a deep sigh, he nodded his head. "Fine, I'll tell him you're sick but you better talk to him soon, Matt. I won't keep lying to him," Steve responded. He loathed lying and had never been too good with it. Keeping secrets made him deeply uncomfortable but at times he tended to be too honest for his own good.

With another sigh, he grabbed for the phone and quickly told Foggy that Matt didn't feel well (not really a lie per say) and he'd call tomorrow with an update. He reassured Foggy if Matt felt worse he would take him to the ER. As if, he could convince the guy there even if he felt terrible.

Once he hung up, he looked over at Matt again. "Go to sleep, Matt. You need the rest."

Matt knows better than to keep pushing, and accepts the compromise with a nod. It doesn't mean he'll tell Foggy tomorrow, he's going to need to really think about how to break the news. But Steve is right -- it isn't fair to ask him to lie.

While his friend makes the call, Matt curls up under the covers, grumbling a little about the pillow wall but understanding why it's there. Doesn't mean some of it won't disappear during the night, but again, compromise is better than pointless stubbornness.

"You coming too?" He doesn't want to admit it, but he feels wretched now that he's actually making himself rest, enough so to want the comforting sound of Steve's heartbeat close by.

Tendrils of exhaustion wrapped around Steve but he refused to give in because of the possibility of having nightmares or flashbacks in any sort of way. He managed better now than he had when he first returned home but Matt needed the rest. Any little issue with him would destroy that very important objective at once. Matt cared far too much about putting him first and at times it really frustrated Steve.

"I'll be here reading," Steve responded with a slight sigh. "Go to sleep, Matt."

Reaching over, he grabbed for one of his books, flipping open the page as he settled against the headboard and the wall. The wall of pillows kept a little distance between them, which rarely happened. Typically, they pressed very close together, regardless of where they were. "I'll get a nice breakfast for us tomorrow. You can look forward to that."

general memes

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