stardustly | au scenarios open post

[ Loss pooled within Clarke and it caused an ache nearly deep enough to swallow her whole and prevent her from standing back up. But no matter how many things knocked her down, Clarke found a way to keep going and to protect those around her. At the moment, her people were lost and believing the ravings of a madman. The adults were not on the ground from the beginning and saw the grounders way of life as more of a threat than the original 100. Fear motivated in such dark ways and Pike had taken advantage of it all to complete his vendetta.

She understood to a point - ice nation slaughtered their people but it didn't mean all grounders were like that. And now innocent grounders were dead.

Blood must have blood. ]

Finn was one of us. [ The words were spoken softly; pained in every possible way. The guilt she felt about Finn never really left her alone and she constantly thought about how things could have been different had she made other choices. ]

They're rallying around Pike but he isn't one of them. Not really. They just need to see that again. See that he is manipulating their fear.

[ Looking down at Lexa, her words felt like thousands of cuts all over her body. Did Lexa really want her to leave? It sure sounded like it and it hurt more than she thought it would.

Love is weakness.

But she didn't believe that. Not really. ]

There's not a lot I can do, Lexa. I'm going to be seen as an enemy on both sides now. The coalition is - it's ruined now and that plus Pike put my people at risk. While my people will see me as a turncoat.

The coalition is not ruined. [There are a thousand things she wants to point out - Finn was not "one of them", for starters, they had sent him down to die just like everyone else Clarke had come down with. That fear was quick to gather a following and harder to dismiss.

Maybe even tempt Clarke with the prospect of being able to fetch her mother back to properly heal this strange new wound that burned in her side even with the object removed.

Instead, she tries to sit up more, wincing at every little degree she manages to sit up.

She grabs for Clarke's hand, to hold onto her. For whose comfort, Lexa's not entirely sure but the feeling steadies her heart and makes it easier to ignore the burning pain.]

As long as I live, the Coalition will stand. I will see to that. I have seen to it since my ascension... [Or, well, since she made the coalition a true thing, since she forced the others into alignment. Even Azgeda mostly played along, until it didn't, but she dealt with them as well.]

Your people are my people. They are all our people. They must understand.

We are in this together, Clarke. [Despite her own actions, they had been in this together for what felt like a much longer time than it was.]

[ Hope bloomed deep within her but she knew better than to grasp onto it too strongly because things often changed in a single instant. Anytime she found sure footing, something darted out in front of her to make her stumble. This time around she nearly lost Lexa and the ache in her heart remained, growing in depth each time she caught a wince or a sputter of breath. Just because she removed the bullet and treated the wound did not guarantee anything. An infection could still happen or a fever of some sort. There were far too many worst case scenarios and yet Lexa wanted her to leave. ]

Things are going to be different now, Lexa, and you know it. My people slaughtered an innocent clan. A clan there to protect them. The other clans aren't going to let that go. [ Not that she expected them to because Pike made the wrong decision and only heightened the fear and unease between the ark and the grounders. ]

[ Raising Lexa's hand, she pressed a messy kiss along her palm, resting her lips against the pulse point for a moment. ] I'm not sure what to do Lexa. There are so many who buy into what Pike believes. They put him in charge. I don't know where that leaves Kane or anyone else. [ The worry for her people grew by the minute as well. ]

You aren't safe, Lexa, they are going to question your reign. They are going to demand blood for what happened. Blood must not have blood will not work now. It won't.

My Clan. [Heda did not have a Clan, Heda was Commander of the Blood, Commander of all, Azgeda, Trikru, all of them, even, supposedly now, Skaikru.] Your people killed my clan. [Heda did not have a Clan, but Leksa did. Leksa kom Trikru who had grown like a weed at Anya's side, she had a clan, a name of her own, something.

Here, in private, and only here, Lexa could be both. Heda, Trikru, girl.] They killed an army I sent to protect them, my blood, my clan, my people.

But it doesn't matter. [It hurts her, far more than the bullet wound did, even more than Titus betraying her - a fact that hadn't slipped her mind, and if she thought she could walk she would have him begging for mercy - and her people, all of them, would not be soon to forgive such a disgraceful action, such treason.

But that hadn't stopped her yet.]

Do you think that Azgeda came gratefully into our open arms? What of the other eleven clans, do you think they wanted peace? All we know is war, the taste of blood splattered on our lips.

I made it work. We made it work, and we will do it again.

Or I will show them what treason earns. [Perhaps not quite blood must not have blood, but some things required a practical example. She would give it if they forced her hand.]

Convincing your people might require... a different approach than my own. [Lexa was the devil whose war drums pounded for blood at their gates, after all. Of all their leaders, only Kane and Clarke seemed inclined to even take her seriously. She didn't want to imagine the general opinion was.] You must lead your people. You were born for this. Just like me.

[ The declaration pained her with the truth of it, the sheer level of heartbreak in the words and it hurt her as well. How could her people do such a thing? To slaughter innocent people sent there for their own protection against others who actually meant them harm. How many had a hand in it? How many had Pike poisoned against the ways they found for cohabiting on the ground? ]

They weren't my people. [ Clarke responded fiercely, her fingers curling into her palms at the surge of anger she felt on behalf of Lexa's people. They were all her people but especially Trikru. Letting out a breath, she shook her head. ] Pike has a group of people at his side, those who Azgeda tormented and it made them fear all grounders. That small group has been able to influence the rest. He has to be stopped before he taints everything and everyone else.

[ The fear, however, she could understand, especially when they weren't used to know things were actually done.

Listening to Lexa, she wanted so desperately to believe in her words but found it difficult to when things looked so disastrous. ]

I'm piling up a lot on my record, Lexa. They aren't going to tolerate much more. [ The grounders saw her as the one in charge, regardless of who actually wore the label of Chancellor. It would be her fault, then, not Pike's for what happened. But they would still want Pike's blood and anyone else who had a hand in the slaughter.

Of course she would be destined for such a difficult path and one leading her constantly away from the one she wanted to walk beside. With a sigh, she slid off the bed. ]

They will not accept me back, Lexa. They will see me as the enemy - Pike will make sure of it because of my ties to the grounders - to you. They won't hand him over. Not easily.

[Perhaps the last thing in the world Lexa should do is sit up, it makes dark blood ooze through her stitches and the bandaging, her head spins, but she is no less resolute wounded than she was when she was healthy and whole the first time they met.

So she sits, her back too stiff and straight, her eyes glued to Clarke as she moves to face her. It's only in the stutter of her breath that the pain shows, a flicker of something in her eyes as she convinces herself not to check the wound.]

He does need to be stopped. [She agrees, brushing the back of her hand along Clarke's jaw. It's such a small thing, that touch, the ability to reach for Clarke and know she won't flinch or spit, won't snarl at Lexa's very name yet it means the entire world.

And she almost missed ever knowing it again, just because she was so determined to give Clarke whatever she needed because she was so afraid of losing her even as an ambassador that even the idea of suggesting anything to her seemed impossible.

Luckily for her, the girl who plummeted out of the heavens specialised in impossibilities. So they had had a chance to make love, to lay in the fading sunlight a while, even this, her sitting up, pulling stitches, hurting herself was only possible because of her sky girl. She should be dead.

Yet here she was, casting it all away and telling Clarke to leave her.

Lexa swallowed, trying to ignore the sudden dryness of her mouth.]

Pity I am not just a soldier, we could both go. [Maybe in another life.] I will not force you to go... I do not want you to go, Clarke, I just... we will see this through. Together.

[Her breath catches slightly as she ignores her wound to lean a little closer.] You are not Wanheda to them, you are the girl who saved them from the mountain men. You are the one who kept their children alive against three hundred of my soldiers.

You spare them, again and again, and they are ungrateful but deep down they know. They just need to be reminded. They may not all love you, they don't need too, they just need to see pike for the warmonger he is.

But - if they attack you... they attack me. [she paused, then laughed softly, wincing but laughing.] Literally, it seems.

[ At the sputter of breath, she looked over with a frown, returning to the bed at once to help Lexa settle herself back against the pillows. Noting the blood, she reached for a rag to dab at it and make sure the stitches hadn't completely popped open. The initial fear may have ended but Lexa could still lose too much blood or have some other adverse reactions. The nightblood altered some of her body chemistry and Clarke knew very little about the makeup of her type of blood. It would make blood transfusions nearly impossible, especially when it might clue in weakness to the other grounders.

The touch soothed her and she leaned into it, just for a moment. She would allow herself to be just another girl for a little while longer but soon enough it would fall away to make room for her other side. The one in charge, who made all the tougher calls to spare the others from it. She held onto it all so they did not have the overwhelming burden. With Lexa, though, she understood and they were both shoved into matters they wished they were able to avoid.

Even more so when it pulled them apart from one another.

Listening in near silence, Clarke tried to accept the words and believe in them but she knew what fear caused. She knew the great lengths those from the ark would take to maintain what they felt they deserved and in some ways were owed. ]

You need to rest, Lexa. Stop moving. [ She voiced the gentle reprimand first before she started in on anything else. Typical, Clarke, really. ]

Not everyone from the ark is so open minded. Back in the sky, we were really divided by - means - and there are plenty who still maintain that even on the ground.

[ Looking down, she tried to consider what to do and knew one way or another she needed to do something. It would be up to her just like Lexa said. ]

I know I have to try. I'll have to see if I can get in contact with Raven or Octavia. See what is really going on. I might walk into an ambush otherwise. [ Her hand brushed along Lexa's cheek. ] I wish you could come with me. But I will be back for you. I promise, Lexa.

[If she stops moving it's got almost nothing to do with Clarke's command and everything to do with her being close again. There was no need to move, with her so close, almost entwined with her again.

She wished.

Fuck Pike, honestly. Fuck Titus. The whole lot of them could go jump. Why did they have to make everything so hard?

Lexa had to pause that thought to take a deep breath. Such thoughts weren't befitting of a Commander... even if they were correct.]

I will rest, Clarke, I promise. [Who she would have to guard her in such a state was a matter for a time when worry wasn't creasing Clarke's brow like that. They would muddle through, somehow. She always had. Becca would guide her.]

You should go, to Octavia. You believed in her before and she did not let you down. You spared her life when I would've done away with her. Sometimes you see things I do not.

I'm sure she will be of use. [Raven, Octavia... the boy named Finn, was there a friend of Clarke's that she hadn't hurt or tried too?]

I know you will return. [Lexa leaned into Clarke's hand as Clarke had leaned into hers, turning to kiss her palm.] May we meet again.

[ Her breath felt splintered around the edges as if it cut her each and every time she took in some air and again with every exhale. The pain laced throughout her body and seeing Lexa so weak before her caused a certain kind of numbness gripping at her heart. There were too many unknown elements and what would happen to Lexa once she left her side? There were too many who wanted to steal away the throne and set a new reign in place.

Things with her people only escalated things but if she could remove Pike from power it might shift back into their favor. But what if she couldn't convince all of them?

What would she do once she learned of Bellamy's involvement? Another betrayal to add to the mix.

May we meet again. It cut deeper and only made her want to stay closer to Lexa's side and never leave. She thought she had loved others but nothing compared to what she felt for Lexa. Nothing else would ever compare. ]

May we meet again. [ The words were softly whispered as she ran her hand through Lexa's hair. She leaned down to kiss her, hoping with all she had it wouldn't be their final kiss. ]

Do you have someone who could watch over you? [ She thought about it for a moment. ] Murphy is here. He - knows when things are important and could help protect you.

[Kissing Clarke, well that was something that no injury could stop her doing. It's sweet and brief and Lexa wishes it would never end, but it does, and she sighs softly, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth for a few seconds.]

If you trust him. [A beat, then.] My guard will be here, Clarke. They would not see me die. Titus could not have been predicted, he is Fleimkepa.

He will be dealt with, too. [Not now, not yet, but that was a betrayal no Heda present or past would tolerate. It is one thing to advise, it is another to bring a gun into her home to violate her wishes.]

[ Considering the situation with Titus, Clarke felt a little apprehensive about trusting the rest of Lexa's guard. What if they proved just as dangerous with changing the balance of things? She understood the issues against her and the rest of her people, though. They viewed things so differently from the rest of the clans.

Letting out a breath, she moved away from the bed and started preparing herself to leave. Making sure to grab for a knife to hide just in case she needed it. ]

I'll get Murphy to watch over you. It'd be better if he didn't come with me right now while I try to get into Arkadia. Octavia should know some secret ways inside and I can find Bellamy once I'm there. He couldn't have been involved in the slaughter and probably already has some ideas to overthrow Kane.

[ If she only knew the horror she would walk into. ]

You stay resting while I'm gone, Lexa, I mean it.

[ Going over to the door, she slowly creaked it open to go and find Murphy, returning with him in little to no time at all. ] I've instructed him to make sure you rest. He'll report back to be when I return, Lexa.

[Bellamy. Lexa wondered if she'd ever have Clarke's trust like that. Unblinkingly sure of his goodness, of his intent even so far away.

Lexa quickly shoved away the flair of jealousy at the fact duty was unlikely to ever truly interfere with him helping her, he would never start a war within his own people for doing so. He could even go with her, if he was here. Lexa can't. Lexa couldn't even if she was well.

She swallows, licks her lips though that barely helps.]

You must be careful, Clarke. We do not know what is going on inside Arkadia. [Even with Bellamy, Lexa thinks but leaves out. Mere jealousy, surely. That is a weakness. Even so, she wishes she could go. Just be Anya's second and not Heda, for a night, or a week...

Oh well.]

I will rest. But do not be so sure I cannot convince the boy to lie for me, I have my ways. [She forces a smile, wishing she could get up to escort her out to the gates if not take her home, sneak in with her. But she is too weak and sitting up for Clarke hadn't improved the situation.]

Go, Octavia, like Indra, lacks a certain amount of patience and my getting shot has probably wasted all of it.

Edited 2017-08-10 15:35 (UTC)

[ A certain sort of worry sprung to life within her over leaving Lexa behind in such uncertainty. Murphy would be there when she left but she trusted so few people, especially with something so important. Yes, her feelings for Lexa clouded things but even beyond that they all needed her as the Commander. What other option would they find? No one else would agree to the coalition so fiercely or the blood must not have blood outlook.

So much rested on both of them and the pressure nearly divided Clarke in two. ]

I will be careful. [ She insisted, preparing herself to leave and make the trek back to the camp. Nerves bustled deep within to join the worry. It made for a volatile cocktail of emotions. ]

I'll be back before you know it and just keep in mind I have ways to find the truth, especially from Murphy.

[ When she moved to step out, Murphy slipped inside, looking very displeased but keeping his retorts to himself, at least. ]

May we meet again. [She repeats, but quietly, after Clarke has gone and she's looking past the boy, where the shadow of her lover had been before she sinks down into the furs, stained with her blood, thick and damp with it.

Her eyes flick to Murphy for a moment, unsure of him... but Clarke trusts him and it has to be enough because before she can open her lips to say anything, order anything, she's passed out.

Clarke will come back for her when she can... it will be fine. It would all be fine...]

[ with a heavy heart, Clarke made her way back to the camp, her mind whirling a mile a minute the entire time. As she slowly approached from the trees, she viewed the blockade on one side but a more horrifying situation caught the corner of her eye on the opposite end. There she viewed Lincoln on his knees with a gun held to his temple. It didn't take much consideration for her to rush forward and try to stop it, landing herself in custody. The sound of the handcuffs clicking in dulled in comparison to the shot ringing in the air. Octavia. How would she handle it? Better yet where were they? Octavia, Bellamy, Raven, Monty and Jasper?

They led her inside and from there she learned more about the city of light, Jaha promising to remove all her pain and suffering with just a few moments. But before they implanted the chip within her, Kane and Octavia managed to free her and bring her to the cave where the others were plotting.

Knowledge of Azgeda's plans only complicated things further and Clarke knew she had to return to Lexa after handing off Pike, which they orchestrated with a rouse. All the while not knowing about Raven and Jasper.

When it all ended with Pike, Clarke returned to Lexa, hoping nothing more happened. ]

Lexa!

[She doesn't die. That much is certain.

But Lexa sleeps with a heaviness that isn't ever allowed of a Heda, she is carried to her bed at some point, Titus kept well away from her. Murphy sits by her side and she's certain she hears him mutter something about not wanting to be trapped there if she dies but she is too tired to care.

Not that she could blame him even if she'd been wide awake. Not with Azgeda waiting in the wings.

More than once she tries to get up, get dressed, stumbles into someones (Murphy?) arms and is put right back in her place.

In her dreams she is a child again, laughing as Anya pulls herself out of the mud - only to run screaming seconds later because she had been the cause of the fall. She is fifteen, a large man looms over her. he is here to protect you and almost forgotten voice says and Gustus, briefly, smiles.

In her dreams, it is the night of the battle again and Clarke's lips taste like summer wine and doesn't turn away.

But it is all dreams. Until it is not. Lexa blink, opening her eyes from a nap, having somehow gotten to her day bed without making an entire mess of herself.]

Clarke. [She has to blink again because so many of her dreams had involved a bounce of blonde curls that were quickly torn away from her that it seems surreal. How many days had it been?

Lexa pushes herself to her feet, wincing but as usual ignoring any of her pain. She rushes forward, looking her over to be sure she is safe before pulling her into a hug.] You came back. [You survived.]

[ Relief flooded through her veins so quickly, she nearly crumbled to her knees because of it but Lexa managed to keep her standing on her feet. A solidity she never found anywhere else and she knee the others did not understand it but she didn't need them to. They only needed to keep an open mind about the changes that would happen without having Pike around. Idly, she wondered what the grounders would do with them but with Lincoln's lifeless eyes still in her mind, she found she didn't care as much for his fate.

Running her hands over Lexa's back, she offered a faint smile, without her bad news tugging in her mind, she would have looked brighter and happier. ]

Of course I came back. I'd never leave you. [ Softly, she cupped Lexa's cheek, feeling the rise of pain within her. How could she tell Lexa everything? ]

Pike has been handed over but -- he executed Lincoln, Lexa and Azgeda has plans to kill everyone in line for the throne. They're coming for you. [ How could Lexa defend herself like this? ] And there's something else -- Jaha has control of something and it messes with minds. I'm still trying to figure it out.

[I'd never leave you. How could such a phrase turn her stomach so much? It hadn't been long ago that Clarke had spit in her face.

It had been only a bit longer since Lexa turned and left her at the mountain. She never intended to do it again but she had. Once. Some part of her still felt unforgivable no matter how logical the choice was.

Lexa leans into her hand, into that warmth, needing it more than she could ever voice.

She couldn't even properly say sorry about Lincoln - she had issued a kill order on him for not obeying her.

Swallowing, she nods.]

Azgeda will fail as they have before. Roan cannot best me. [And she is not dead, so that little girl Nia had been hiding cannot be foisted on everyone, put into the conclave with the other nightbloods. Not yet.]

Jaha is doing what? What about your mother? Kane? [who knew who was leader in that camp, they played pass the chancellor badge more often than Lexa cared to keep up with but perhaps one of them could stop whatever nonsense he had gotten into.]

[ After being betrayed and left behind at the mountain, Clarke swore to herself to never fall back in with Lexa or forgive her in any way. Lexa's decision cost them all so much and the anger grew for awhile, boiling over when she arrived at the capital. How could she ever trust Lexa again or believe her to have interests other than for those she considered directly her people? It would take time but somewhere along the line the love she felt started to filter through the anger, reminding her of what else she felt.

While Lexa might leave her behind, she would never do that the other way around.

Of course, Lexa looked past the very real threat of Azgeda.]

You killed their queen, Lexa and they have other plans. I'm not sure if Roan knows any of it. They're coming for the capital and they aren't the only ones. Jaha has -- whatever the chip is, it does things and they want to bring everyone to the city of light.

They -- elected Pike but since we handed him over, Kane is in charge again.

Things are happening, Lexa, a lot we don't understand.

Nia should've died the day she put Costia's head in a box at the end of my bed. [It was merely justice delayed. The real weakness was not Lexa agreeing with Clarke, it was her letting Azgeda and their Queen stomp and snarl like they were owed more than their due.

They were not.] You forget I have been here my entire life, at war my entire life.

[Lexa presses a soft kiss to Clarke's lips, it's only fleeting an attempt at comfort for her, or both of them maybe.]

A chip? The city of light... [That sounds damn familiar.] What does this chip look like?

[ A deep frown pulled at her lips and it took all his her willpower to not pull Lexa into a deeper and more passionate kiss. They really didn't have time but when did they? Things were always threatening to tear them apart and into pieces. ]

But this is a greater divide, Lexa. There's a lot of unrest with more of the clans.

[ Talk of the chip worried her more, though, and she quickly tried to describe it and the city of light. Little did she know that Raven had already started to help Jaha there at the capital, paving the way for him to enter. ]

Do you know anything about it?

You don't know that; you weren't here. [She points out. Skaikru hadn't even known life went on down on the ground until they got here themselves, they knew nothing of the struggles and infighting.

Lexa purses her lips slightly as she considers something.]

There has been scandal and the taste of war my entire reign, I have displeased them, always, because I am not them and I will not be bowed down or twisted around their fingers.

We will get through this, and if I do not make it the natblida's know what to do, Clarke. They will look after you and your people and assure our peace if I fail.

[They were just children, but she had been a child when her mantle was rested on her shoulders and for all the terror and blood she had caused, there was so much good, too. It was the way of the Commander.]

Could you draw it for me? Your paper and charcoals are over here... [She gets up, nearly stumbles but rights herself, taking in a sharp breath as she goes to get them.]

[ While she might not have been on the ground as long as Lexa, she existed there long enough to know how some things worked. She had been there long to see the decline and the raging wisps of oncoming war growing stronger and stronger. Soon enough, it would overcome everything they tried to build to counterbalance it all.

With a frown, she took a tiny step from Lexa, putting a little breathing room between them. ]

I've seen and have been involved in plenty, Lexa. I can see what is going on here and how quickly things can change.

[ The frown only deepened on her face. ] Don't say that. Nothing else is going to happen to you. [ The stumble had her quickly reaching out and grabbing for Lexa, taking the drawing materials from her. ] I told you to rest. You sit and I'll draw what I saw. Since I don't have the chip I don't know what the city looks like.

[ Sitting down, she quickly sketched it, showing it to Lexa. ]

You have seen terrible things. [She has done terrible things, just like Lexa had done when she first found herself in a position to lead. Sometimes, it was the only way but those first months dragged on like years. Aged her far more than the Spirit of the Commander ever could've.] But you haven't seen much.

[Truthfully, Clarke still barely knew anything about them. The basics, sure. War, clan, a fondness for making clothes out of rubble... but she didn't know their stories, their pasts, their love.]

I do not intend on dying, Clarke. But I also didn't intend on getting shot. It could happen. [She sits, though, happy enough for the excuse to do so and pulling her jacket tighter around her so Clarke won't notice the splotch of damp black on her shirt.

When Clarke draws this "chip", Lexa frowns, taking the drawing and staring at it.]

It bears the sacred symbol. [She turns, too quickly again, a sharp pain making her pale slightly as she pulls her hair up and over her shoulder and the back of her jacket down to reveal the large infinity tattoo on her neck, over a smaller, perfectly straight scar. An incision.] It looks like the flame... but in a different shape.

[ Over the past few months on the ground, Clarke learned plenty about the culture and customs but she knew there were still other things she didn't know. Probably some things she didn't want to know with the brutality she encountered in a personal way and with the rest of her people. As leaders, they were all marked, the fight taking on a whole new level to maintain survival. There were too many depending on them to fail.

Giving a nod of her head because she knew Lexa had a point, she turned more of her attention to the chips. They needed to figure things out before Jaha and the others had too much of a stronghold.

Moving forward, she ran her fingers over the mark and the incision. Did that mean - ]

Lexa. The flame might be the origin - the original chip. All of this might connect together.

[ Here was a point where she needed more information on grounders culture. ] What exactly does the flame do? The night blood connects with it but how.

[ With being closer to Lexa, she noticed a few things. ] You popped your stitches, I need to fix that and you need to rest. I mean it.

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