stardustly | general open post

[ in the space between their departures from one another, Kai downed three glasses of water to try and find some semblance of control again. He didn't want to ruin what they had or make things uncomfortable because he felt things. He didn't really know all he felt either.

Eyes lingering on Neve for a moment, he gave a nod of his head. ]

Thank you, marshmallow. I'll be back soon.

[ talk about needing a cold shower. Letting out a breath, he headed into the bathroom and slipped into the shower once he had everything set.

Mistake. Mistake. ]

[ the nickname made him smile.

he couldn't believe it did, but it did.

when kai disappeared into the bathroom, neve rushed to get himself a glass of water too. he cleaned kai's, enjoying cleaning to relax, but it didn't work as effectively as usual.

because kai was in his shower. and he had to try very, very hard not to think about that. usually he had self control, but this felt like a magnet his thoughts couldn't resist. once done washing the glasses, he wiped them dry and kept them on the counter in case they would want to eat more.

then he eyed the couch. should they sit there? or at his kitchen table? or did kai want to sleep? would he sleep in neve's bed?

oh, god. ]

[ if he thought the shower might help, he really thought wrong. it only made his mind to drift towards neve being with him and - no - he needed to keep his mind on more innocent topics.

after washing off and his hair, he climbed out of the shower and dried off. eyeing the clothes before he pulled them on. ]

Hey, Neve.

[ He voiced from the doorway of the kitchen. ]

Thanks for this. I feel better now.

[ with a sleepy smile, he moved forward. ] Do you - maybe want to -

[ it was the first time neve was ever this close to someone in so long. to see kai in his clothes was an entirely new feeling, too, one that left him confused. he usually knew just what he was feeling. but this... it was like a hot spike of something. it felt intimate to share clothes and it felt significant to witness. ]

No problem. [ coolly. on the inside, he was a lot less cool, but that was okay.

neve moved closer, looking kind of adorable, and neve looked at him quizzically. for some reason his mind skipped ahead about ten steps as kai started to ask him something. ]

I...want to what?

[ when it came to being close to others, Kai didn't have any experience with it so everything with neve felt even more significant. his heart began to pound in his chest harder, the closer he moved to neve. how could he already feel so much and they hadn't even really touched?

blushing, he looked off to the side, feeling more and more caught up. why did he even attempt to ask?

he just felt surrounded by neve and only wanted more. ]

You - do you want - can we lay down together?

[ there, for better or worse, he asked. ]

[ oh.

yes. neve wants that very much, actually. even if it feels dangerous. like he'll do something... that will change everything. he doesn't want to change things between them. but more than that, the closer they get the more danger there is.

nodding, neve reaches out, very gently. his fingertips touch kai's wrist, then curl there. touching him is like feeling a spark. being with kai feels like that over all. sparks making him come alive again, after so very long. ]

Okay. [ without taking his eyes off of him, he starts to tug him along toward the bedroom. ]

[ the touch is electrified and Kai needed to use all his willpower to not gasp outright. tingles raced up and down his skin from the simple contact so how would more contact feel? well, he couldn't assume neve would curl up with him in bed.

in bed.

neve's bed. where he slept and - no, another thought he needed to not have. he let neve tug him towards the bedroom, his heart right in his throat. ]

I like your place.

[ wait, did that sound like flirting? ]

[ neve looks around as if seeing his place for the first time. he hadn't thought about this part much. but it's true it's a reflection of him: everything looks sleek and ordered, but it's not cold or bland. there are colors, and it's cozy. ]

Thanks... [ his bed is a sight. there's a pile of pillows on it. it's made, but it manages to look messy, or as if it was ready to welcome someone throwing themselves on it.

neve does spend a lot of time lounging around. ]

My bed is my favorite place here. [ he doesn't know why he says that. he hardly shares things about himself but with kai it seems to slip out.

he lets him go, only to gesture toward the bed. he's trying to keep casual. not thinking about getting into bed with kai but rather the logistics of it. ]

Do you have a favorite side?

[ For Kai, he treasured each and every wayward comment Neve spoke to him, piecing more things about him together. Neve would never be called an open book or easy to get to know bit Kai didn't mind working a little doe it. He found Neve worth it and sometimes he hid behind things too.

He tried to not frown when Neve let go of him, gazing at the bed as if in deep thought.

Right. Yes. They would actually need to get into bed. He would be in bed with Neve. ]

Usually, the closest to a window or a door.

[ For reasons he didn't usually talk about. ]

I really love pillows and fuzzy blankets.

[ neve looked at kai for a moment, but said nothing. it was a comment that was clearly not going to come with an explanation, and he wasn't about to require one. he knew what it was like, to skirt around the truth, to say the relevant parts of things only.

he respected it.

but it made his heart ache a little. ]

Then you can have the side closest to the door. And most of the pillows.

[ he takes a seat on the bed then, watching kai closely. ]

[ one day, Kai would explain and put more out there but he preferred to maintain the illusion he had everything together. it just made sense and everything else could be buried deeply.

watching neve, he felt yet another flutter in his chest. how could one person be so beautiful and alluring? he would never survive this and would likely make a full of himself.

he fought back a yawn as he sat down on the other side of the bed. ]

Any habits I should know? Do you snore, drool, talk in your sleep?

[ neve's lips tugged into a tight smile, and he shook his head as he tugged the comforter to get beneath it. ]

I'm a perfect bed partner.

[ oh. uh. he looked away from kai, pretending to fix a pillow behind him as he spoke. cool, calm and collected was apparently impossible with kai around. ]

For sleep, [ he clarified, acting as non flustered as he possibly could. ]

[ I'm a perfect bed partner. Seriously?

What did he do to deserve this torment and frustration? Coming over so tired probably wasn't the greatest idea either but he had missed Kai the last couple of days.

Blushing red as anything, Kai ducked his head, to slip under the comforter and shift everything around. Breathe, breathe and don't think about -- ]

M-me too. About sleeping. I mean - sometimes I'm kinda - cuddly but I'll stay on my side.

[ Laying back, he tilted his head to look at Neve. ]

You don't usually have anyone over, do you?

[ neve settled on his back as well, head turned to look at kai. there was plenty of space between them right now, but when his eyes found kai's, it felt like no space at all.

he shook his head. no, he didn't usually have anyone over. and certainly not in his bed. he hadn't shared his sleeping space with anyone in decades. maybe over a century.

he bit his bottom lip, worrying at it with his teeth. ]

It's okay if you... [ he reaches out and tugs at kai's sleeve. he can come closer... if he wants to cuddle, that's okay. ]

[ being surrounded by everything Neve settled over him and made a whole new kind of longing appear to mingle with the one for the sea. With Neve, though, it felt stronger, deeper within his bones.

Looking over at Neve, he could not prevent the fond smile from filling his face. But it turned a little surprised at the tugging.

Really?

Smiling shyly, he scooted over towards Neve on the bed. ]

I haven't -- [ He had never really cuddled with someone he had feelings for. After a few seconds, he curled closer. ] Is this still okay? Am I too close? I might fall asleep.

[ neve had hardly ever cuddled at all. any time he'd spent in the company of a person in his bed tended to be cut short. it was new to have someone here with no goal or intention. it was new to have someone he liked... liked a lot in his bed with him.

and then so close. neve's heart rate picked up as kai settled against him, close and warm and... inviting. it only made neve want to get closer, to get all tangled up.

he didn't move, except to extend his arm so neve could settle there more comfortably. ]

Isn't that why we're here? To sleep? [ it's a bit teasing. it makes it easier to cope with the fact that kai smells like his soap and shampoo. his breath shuddered, and he cleared his throat to disguise it. ]

You're tired. It's okay.

[ while Kai knew Neve had a softer side, it felt nice to see it directly and to be the cause. A small tendril of hope curled within him that Neve might care on a deeper level than he dared to imagine. That there might be more feelings than just the surface level. A guy could dare to dream.

Shifting a little closer because why not, he nuzzled at Neve's neck. A little bold but he might not get another chance! ]

We said cuddling actually not sleeping but your bed is really comfortable and you're warm.

[ he didn't mean to say the last part but he lacked a filter when he was tired. Another mistake probably. ]

I'm sorry if you're not tired.

[ right. cuddling.

so that's what they should do, and asking him to come closer wasn't weird or strange in that context. that was required, for cuddling. and he'd known that, but he hadn't thought of how warm kai would feel, or how soft, or how he'd think kai smelling like his products was a little hot.

just a little. so was the tthought that kai might find him just as warm against him.

he was about to push that thought away when kai nuzzled at his neck, causing neve's breathing to hitch. it had been a long, long time since he'd let anyone into his bed at all, and the contact at his neck was overwhelming. it was kind of cute, too. he turned his face, just a bit. as if giving kai more room to settle comfortable, or to do that again. ]

It's fine. I'll probably fall asleep too.

[ Normally, he wouldn't be as bold but being so tired opened him up somewhat. Later on, he would probably be mortified and worried he messed things up. Neve's friendship meant a lot and he didn't really have a lot of those to spare with the sort of life he led.

With how close they were, Kai heard or rather felt Neve's breath hitch. His eyes fluttered open to look at him. Oh. The reaction had to mean something, right?

Eyes falling shut again, he let out a little mmm noise, nuzzling again. ]

Always knew you'd be the cuddly type, marshmallow. I'll keep this in mind for the future. I have -- a lot of long days.

[ It felt so nice. ]

[ maybe it was how naturally kai seemed to settle like this with him, sounding content and comfortable, nuzzling at him, that made neve respond in kind. even with his heart beating faster than it had in years, neve folded his arm so his fingers could card through kai's hair. ]

M'not. It's just you. [ it's a little petulant. and a lot to admit. but if kai was going to be so open and say everything on his mind, neve felt inclined to return the favor.

he'd meant it when he said he was working on it. not shutting kai out. letting him in. ]

You can come see me after your long days. I'll take care of you. [ he realised how much he meant that after saying it. how he'd rather kai have someone to come to after a difficult time. how he'd want to hear about anyone giving kai trouble and go find them and give them a piece of his mind.

he curled toward him, a little protectively, and turned his head so that for a moment his nose and mouth were against the top of his head before moving away again. ]

[ With trust issues galore, Kai did not form too deep of bonds with others, maintaining more of an acquaintance level. His shop, contacts and family took up most of his time and he didn't usually care but Neve made him realize a lot of what he had been missing. All the things he secretly longed for. A connection to the world that went beyond just what he offered.

His eyes cracked open, his heart clutching in his chest. Oh. Wow. But the surprise did not end there.

No one took care of HIM. He worried about everyone else and while he's feel like a burden, it seemed more like neve might need someone to take care of. To focus on. It could be nice. He would care for Neve too, of course, how could he not. ]

You make - me more open. A few weeks ago -- I would have never called anyone after dealing - with that.

[ Slowly, he ran his fingertips over Neve's arm. ]

Goes both ways if you have a bad day what do you like?

[ he could echo the same sentiment. he's glad kai did call. that he felt he could come see neve for this, and that neve would make him feel better. it's nice to be trusted like that. ]

I — [ it's a simple question.

what do you like? when you have a bad day, what makes you feel better?

neve doesn't know. he's never had anyone there. he's always been alone on good and bad days. ]

I don't know. [ it makes him sad to realize it, when before it would have only indicated he's been doing things right. he shouldn't rely on anyone else, not when his plan involved high risks. but with kai against him and his hair between his fingers and his nose against his neck, it made him feel sad. ]

Usually I'm alone.

[ If the words made Neve sad, they only made Kai even sadder because it really drove home the all alone image. It yanked at Kai's heart and also made him wonder why he became an exception to the rule. Why did Neve let him in? Did it make him different? He sure hoped so.

Pulling back just a little to look into Neve's face, he cupped his cheek, lightly moving his thumb back and forth. An attempt to comfort and maybe to touch. Not as daring as the nuzzling but still yet. ]

You're not alone now. We - can figure it out together what you like, if you want. You - shouldn't be alone when you're sad.

[ Just the thought made him frown. ]

That sounds nice. [ it did sound nice.

nicer than it should. nicer than it was safe to. but those things he wasn't thinking about now, because kai was touching him, and it felt like he'd gone without touch so long he was melting further and further into it.

and further and further into kai's eyes, as he looked into them while he cupped his cheek. kai was handsome. really, really handsome... ]

Thank you. [ his voice was low and almost a whisper. he turned his cheek into the touch, encouraging it silently. they'd come this far, and it felt so nice. to hear someone say he didn't need to be alone, after convincing himself he had to. ]

Edited 2018-01-21 05:27 (UTC)

[ A turning point of sorts to have Neve turn into the touch and not move away or try to turn the subject on him in some way. Early on, he picked up on the hands off vibe but he never really took it to heart, especially not when it seemed like a show. Now, he knew it had been. A kind of self preservation for some reason or another.

He just wondered why. Continuing to stroke his thumb against Neve's cheek, his own breath hitched and he didn't feel as tired anymore. ]

I'll always be here for you. Okay? I don't - I care about you.

[ A somewhat confession of sorts. ]

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