stardustly | general open post

[ A turning point of sorts to have Neve turn into the touch and not move away or try to turn the subject on him in some way. Early on, he picked up on the hands off vibe but he never really took it to heart, especially not when it seemed like a show. Now, he knew it had been. A kind of self preservation for some reason or another.

He just wondered why. Continuing to stroke his thumb against Neve's cheek, his own breath hitched and he didn't feel as tired anymore. ]

I'll always be here for you. Okay? I don't - I care about you.

[ A somewhat confession of sorts. ]

[ wasn't that a sign that something had gone horribly wrong? that he'd let kai in, or shown enough of himself to kai that kai had started to care about him? wasn't that what he'd been avoiding for so long?

yes. kind of. definitely.

was he thinking about that in this moment? absolutely not. ]

You probably shouldn't, [ he said, voice soft. he didn't look away from kai, though, eyes tracing his features in spite of himself, making note of the shape of his eyes and his nose and his mouth.

he has a very nice mouth. ]

Kind of too late.

[ he whispered the words in the same soft tone, feeling his heartbeat picking up again. How could one person make him feel so many different things and all at once? It kept him off kilter and he really didn't know how to right himself.

Did he even actually want to?

Following Neve's eyes, fluttering joined in with the mix and he had a sudden awareness of how close they were.

Did Neve want to kiss him? ]

You - care about me, don't you?

[ definitely wants to kiss him. absolutely shouldn't, definitely wants to. his hand drops from kai's hair, now at the base of his neck. his fingers shift there, a light brush of fingertips. he shouldn't be touching him more if it makes him feel like this, when he's so close to doing something that will end horribly for both of them.

he breathes out, eyes finally returning to kai's after a moment of silence. ]

Yes. [ he can't lie about that. it'd be stupid. it's obvious he cares; he's even told kai he likes him, told him he makes him feel human, told him he doesn't want to keep him at arm's length.

kai's right. it's kind of too late. ]

[ Even if he knew Neve cared, it meant a lot to hear it and to be able to breathe it in. A certain kind oftenderness filled his face and he couldn't stop the shudder from Neve touching his neck. One of his weaknesses along with his hips.

Neve would end him without even trying or attempting to. The latter being a twinge of sadness because he doubted Neve would ever actually want him. As in a long term thing.

As in a for the rest of time thing.

He leaned into the touch, his own hand exploring Neve's hair and down his side. Content to touch and be touched even if he did want to kiss Neve. To press a little closer. ]

Neve - I - I'm glad I'm here.

[ Such a cop out but he couldn't say kiss me. He didn't do things like that. ]

[ neve felt on the edge of something, teetering. he made no effort to pull back, only let things be, only let them happen. it felt liberating to just go with the moment, rather than trying to control every minute of the exchange and get it to go in the direction he felt was best.

he kept touching kai's neck, but now a bit more firm, almost massaging the base of his neck. still idle enough that he could pretend he was doing it without thinking, even though he was very, very focused on the touch. ]

Me too.

[ his eyes fell to kai's lips again, and he wanted to press his own to them so badly it was embarrassing. he usually had more control, but he felt if he didn't stop looking into kai's face he would end up kissing him within the next five minutes, and that... that was too much to entertain. instead he pressed closer, dunking his face against kai's shoulder and winding his arm around his middle.

as if that was any better. his nose was against kai's neck now, and he could smell his soap on him. ]

[ If a heart could flutter from someone's chest, his would have right then and landed in Neve's hand. Maybe he had more feelings than he wanted to admit to or maybe he just didn't really know what they were. Sure, he had crushes before but this felt more fully realized than a fleeting stirring or something.

In fact, he turned to Neve at a low moment, which meant a lot when he tended to keep to himself. It terrified him a little because what if Neve decided to pull away from him? It wouldn't just break his heart, it would shatter him.

Letting out a breath, he could stop the little moan that escaped his parted lips. He had a sensitive neck but why oh why. A crimson blush stained his cheeks and he was glad when Neve ducked his head. ]

I must smell like you.

[ smooth.

He moved his hand to run along Neve's back, fingers tangling in his shirt. ]

Edited 2018-01-22 00:21 (UTC)

[ he hadn't expected kai would flat out say something like that. again, there's no sense in denying it. that'd be stupid, and obvious that he's pretending like it's not true for a reason. and while he doesn't quite yet know why or how he feels so intensely about kai smelling like him...

he does. ]

Yeah. You do. [ he sighs, which makes him take a deep breath first. when he lets out a breath, he adds: ] Kind of nice.

[ kind of really nice, in fact. he doesn't know where this streak of... possessiveness comes from, but that's essentially what this feeling boils down to. he wants to hold kai closer.

his hand goes back to kai's hair, and the one around his middle flattens in the small of his back. they're really pressed together like that, and neve shifts his legs so they can get more comfortable. ]

Edited 2018-01-22 00:51 (UTC)

[ Officially, he would not survive the nap at the rate they were going. First, it seemed like Neve might kiss him and now the kind of nice comment. Neve liked if he smelled like him? What did it mean? It had to mean something even if he didn't know what exactly.

When they shifted closer, he tangled their legs together to make it more comfortable for both of them, pointedly not picturing a lot of choice images. Now would not be the time but he felt so hyperaware of their proximity and the line of heat rushing over him.

He tucked his face against Neve's neck, slowly winding down again. ]

Don't - leave, okay? [ a hint of pleading filled his voice with the rords and if he wasn't so tired he would be mortified by it. ]

If - just wake me up if you want -

[ it makes neve's chest ache to hear, and he wants to soothe whatever causes kai to sound like that when saying that. lucky for kai, there's nowhere neve has to go, even in the morning. and honestly, nowhere he' rather be right now, right at this moment. this is pretty good.

it feels good. he's hyper aware of every spot of contact between them, yet it's good. ]

I'm not going anywhere, Kai. [ he means that, in the moment.

he'll think about it again later, when the panic settles in. but right now, he means it. his hand strokes at his back to soothe him. ]

You can sleep. I'll be here when you wake up.

I'm not that tired.

[ The words were mumbled and barely above a whisper since he had already started to lose the battle with falling asleep. But in his defense, it had been awhile since he found any kind of restful sleep. His family kept him very busy and then the shop took over the other allotted time. On top of all that he took on independent jobs too.

He might have a slight problem with the word no.

In his sleep, he stayed close to Neve and even if he meant it as a quick actual nap, he slept for hours and hours instead.

When he did finally stir slightly, it was morning and he gave a faint grumble as he tried to bury further into the blankets and away from the awakening light. ]

[ neve dozes off a while after kai. it takes him longer to fall asleep, but he doesn't mind. he gets to soak in kai's presence, his soft breaths, his warmth. he gets to keep him close and lie here, thinking, i'm really cuddling with kai right now and try to absorb it.

he doesn't overthink it. he enjoys it.

kai's sleeping face tugs at his heart.

eventually, he dozes off. in sleep, he doesn't let go of kai either. if he shifts, he takes kai with him.

which might explain why he's got a leg slung over kai's hip when kai wakes up. neve is slow to wake, and not a morning person — when he hears a grumble and feels some shifting, he scowls, half asleep, and his hand seeks purchase somewhere to keep the warm body he's tangled with from moving too far. except his hand just ends up going up kai's shirt. ]

[ As consciousness spread over him, Kai slowly blinked his eyes open and took in the sight literally around him. The feel of Neve's hand on his actual skin took much of his focus as he woke up. He had Neve touching him! Skin on skin!

Hazy vision cleared and he let out a soft breath at seeing Neve. How unfair for one person to look so beautiful sleeping. Or partly sleeping if the huffing could be any indication.

How cute. Kai wasn't much of a morning person either and preferred to not seal with cheery morning people but he did feel giddy to have Neve so close. He felt him everywhere and what a heady rush it made. ]

Good morning, marshmallow. [ the words were husky and his accent stronger thanks to all the sleep. Without thinking, he pressed a soft kiss to Neve's neck. ]

Still sleepy but - kinda hungry.

No. [ good morning? no thank you, he'd like to keep sleeping, thank you very much. his hand feels warm... he runs it over kai's skin, not really thinking about it, because he's warm and comfortable and there doesn't need to be anything else going on. it's morning, but he doesn't feel cold. ]

S'food in kitchen, [ he mumbles, still half asleep, and tightening his grip on kai so he can't actually go anywhere.

not just yet.

wait.

did he kiss his neck?

neve cracks an eye open, but doesn't say anything. it was probably an accident. ]

[ No? Okay, Neve really isn't a morning person, even less than he is but he found it oddly endearing. He found practically everything about Neve endearing in some way, which should have worried him. Actually, how he felt overall should have worried him.

Nuzzling at Neve's neck, the hand running along his back soothed him more. But he really couldn't sleep more, there were so many things to take care of. ]

Mmmm [ he hummed out, pressing his lips again lightly over Neve's neck. Another short burst of bravery even if it couldn't count for much. ]

[ so... not an accident, then.

or maybe a thoughtless thing?

that hum didn't help matters, with kai pressed so close it was like neve could feel it.

his hand stilled on kai's back, and he very slowly turned his head. not to move away from kai, but kind of... giving more room. maybe encouraging. it felt nice, and he wasn't fully awake yet, and he didn't want to get out of bed yet either. ]

[ when Neve started to move, Kai worried he read things wrong and stilled for a moment. He didn't like making moves for the very reason they could be shut down and rejected. He had a very deep fear of rejection since his whole existence rested on it.

But he didn't need to worry at all. Neve only moved to get - more. Another burst of a heady rush.

Trying to not blush or fumble, he pressed his lips up and down Neve's neck, teeth scraping slightly. ]

[ well. at the graze of kai's teeth, neve lets out a sound that could only be a moan. it's not his fault his neck is sensitive, or that no one ever touches it, or that he's hyper aware of every point of contact between them again and that kai's mouth is warm and wet against his skin.

it feels so nice. he's not even realising he moaned at all. and his hand picks up it's movements again, this time so his fingers draw idle patterns against his skin.

and his leg over kai's hip tightens, drawing him against him more closely. ]

[ The moan had to be hands down the sexiest thing he ever heard before. One person should not be allowed to be so alluring and interesting. Neve kept him wanting more all the time, not just intimately, of course, but that happened to be impressive. Kai didn't always feel desire quickly but Neve happened to be an exception to the rule.

Heat traveling over him, Kai kissed more of Neve's neck, biting down without warning.

Okay.

Marking must be a thing.

He wouldn't really know having never been in his current position before. ]

[ that has double the effect. the fact that it came with no warning and is an actual bite has neve making another sound, a loud little ah! that also has him digging his fingers against kai's back.

that was. a very embarrassing reaction. extremely embarrassing. neve can feel his face flushing hot red, but he doesn't want kai to stop, and at the same time the fact that kai might be trying to leave a mark makes this more visceral part of neve want to return the favor. it's the same part that likes kai in his clothes and smelling like him.

he waits a breath. to see what kai will do next. and to calm himself down, because if flips them over now kai will see how red his face is. ]

[ If he thought it couldn't get better than the moan, Neve just proved him wrong. Very, very wrong. Shuddering with the pleasure of making that kind of reaction, Kai finished sucking the mark to life, kissing over it to help with the sting.

The heat felt even more prominent, pooling thickly in his stomach but he tried to ignore it.

What were they even doing? Well, mostly him. His hand traveled over Neve's side as he moved forward a little on pure instinct.

Oh. ]

[ oh. that's nice. more than nice.

nice enough that he feels a bit more control of himself now, a little less like a flustered teenager. because he realises he doesn't want this to stop. for a moment it looks like he's pressing back, and he is, but what he's really doing is giving himself leverage and rolling over so that kai's back is pressed on the mattress and neve is straddling him, hands on each side of his head.

he doesn't say anything. just stares down at him with a rare kind of nakedness to his gaze, like he's not hiding behind twenty walls but letting what he's feeling be clear. there's a lot of heat in those eyes.

his hand reaches and he brushes strands of hair off kai's forehead, eyes locked with his. ]

[ Finding himself on his back suddenly, Kai let out a soft exhale of breath, a quiet 'oaf' escaping his parted lips as he looked up. The look on Neve's face could only be described as beautiful, raw and open for once even he never really had any issues reading him. Kai had a natural ability of reading people and despite not doubting , he found it nice to see feelings reflected back. Neve cared and wanted him, for now, at least because he knew things could change in an instant.

Looking up, he smiled tenderly, his hands running over Neve's back before settling on his hips. He wanted him to stay more than anything and the sheer depth of the emotion terrified him. Growing so entangled in someone would only bring pain his way, surely.

But he could not seem to back away, physically or emotionally. Instead, he leaned up a little, hoping Neve kissed him. ]

[ the way kai smiles up at him makes neve's heart melt. his entire body, really. he feels like he's melting all over. it's like he could see that this meant something in kai's eyes, and like he knew it was a reflection of what was in his own. it was scary, terrifying, even.

but so was the idea of not leaning down when kai leaned up. so was the idea of rolling off of him and out of bed and closing that door forever, potentially losing kai forever. so was the idea of not listening to what everything seemed to be telling him: kai was the right one, kai was good, being around him made him stronger and better.

it had been a balancing act for a while. and now neve tipped over as his lips meet kai's in a kiss.

it's almost chaste. almost. his lips are parted just enough that it's not, but it's as soft as kai makes neve feel. ]

[ At one point in time, Kai had doubted what Neve actually felt for him. Were they friends? Something more? Something less? But the look on Neve's face right before they kissed for the first time spoke more volumes than anything else possibly could. A kind of look he never thought he'd see directed at him. How did he get so lucky so suddenly?

An electric burst of heat spread over him as they kissed and he could not help but to press closer and move his lips a little quicker. It felt so good and something he could easily become addicted to.

His thumb brushed back and forth against Neve's cheek as they kissed while his toes lazily drifted along his ankles. So many points of contact. ]

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